7/15/2008 noone but me from URL @ 11:52 PM
My cousin got admitted into the hospital ): The doctors havent processed the scans and all to determine what's exactly wrong with her, but ohmygoodness. The pain she feels makes me feel for her reallly badly. Especially when she doesnt say a thing but silently writhes in bed with her face all cramped up. I cannot stand seeing people i love in pain; i feel so helpless.
& Opposite her bed there was this noob of a nurse trying to put on drips for this woman who was around 50. All of a sudden blood started to ooze out of the drips-thing and the nurse started freaking out. My other cousin (who works at the hosp) & her boyf had to rush over to see what was wrong and they (who are not medical students or whatever shit) realised that the drips thing had not been unlocked, therefore the blood starting to ooze out. (after poking in the needle you're supposed to unlock it so that the drips can flow into the blood, and not the opp) It was freakin frightening okay, there was a pool of blood on the bed & the woman passed out. & it reminded me of * and i felt helpless all over again. I started shivering quite badly and no, i wasnt cold.
I felt so horridly moodless. These are lives, you know. Actual people.
Freak, i've been through quite a few deaths before but i don't know why im so worried now. Maybe not so death, but people?
& something super freaky happened sunday night too. Sunday i had gone to visit my dad's friend whose dad had passed away. He was telling us that before his father passed away this clock he owned for 35 yrs just fell to the ground and broke. & exactly at 12 on the day he passed away the lights in his room went out. As would anyone, i just dismissed it with "ohh, quite scary. okay". & THEN. On sunday night i was reading in my mom's room when suddenly this picture of her just fell from the wall. just.like.that. couldn't be wind cos the windows and all were closed & i was using aircon. & omg i got so damn freaked out i rushed to the phone and started calling my mom overandoverandover who obviously didnt pick up cos she's in sarawak. i was honestly on the verge of tears until she called back much later saying that she was fine. ): i never used to believe in these kinda things, but dammit.
I feel quite unsafe, insecure, whatever the word may be. At this point of time, very actually. Not just cos of the above mentioned thoughts, but others as well. I'll spare you though.
But wellll, im not gna go around crying & shivering, so wth. I pray my cousin gets well soon.
& my bro's running tmr in the natl track & field finals, as much as he pisses me off big time, i hope he does well.